Alan Staney


don't forget sesquipedalian, and deliberately pretentious

We Are All Ducks



Orange is the best color. It gets attention and mildly irritates the eyes and soul.

I was born in Florida and moved to Tallahassee when I was entering 3rd grade in the late '80s (best decade ever). I graduated from Leon High School here, went to Florida State University, and stuck around to raise a family because I just love this town that much.

My darling, hilarious, 3rd-generation Leon graduate wife thinks that black is the best color. She is wrong, but we complement each other well, and not just on Halloween. We have four children, one teen and three little ones. My parents, her parents, and her grandparents all live in town to help watch our kids most of the time that we're working. We have a fixer-upper in a decent neighborhood, and I enjoy the fixing and uppering. I wouldn't change my living situation for the world.

And if you were wondering, no, I'm not obsessed with Cenk Uygur, I'm a Rod Stewart fan. Don't let 'em put you down, don't let 'em push you around. Don't ever let them change your point of view.


Before desk jobs and a beer belly, I used to really love ultimate frisbee. I still love karaoke, even though I can't get out much anymore. Not that I was a good singer, mind you... if you are a good singer, you don't belong at karaoke. I was there for the showmanship, and so were my fans. Also to irritate the crowd by forcing them to listen to me sing '70s love songs and '80s hair metal ballads — and not the popular ones. Prince's falsetto was my specialty. Karaoke is the orange of hobbies.

In what little free time I do have, I play my vintage video game consoles with my kids, or those crafty Euro board games like Settlers of Catan. On the side, I am getting programming practice trying to convert my Seizmojigger board game to a web-based game. And like any good Gemini, I have 10+ other side projects I really want to do and never get anywhere with: write a book, publish a comic, write a different book, make a different video game, start a podcast, learn to animate, become a chef, or a high school physics teacher... yada yada yada.



I've been drawing since I can remember, and always wanted to make a Saturday morning cartoon show. Then I grew up and they didn't even have Saturday morning cartoons anymore. I have been using Photoshop since 4.0 in 9th grade, and picked up Illustrator, Dreamweaver, and InDesign over the years. I have a creative mind, though my work is often sidetracked by my inability to avoid humor and a dash of pretention. I opted for the Smashmouth glasses upon graduation, to let people know that "actually," (adjusts frames) I am an artist.


In 6th grade, I figured out how to squeeze enough juice out of my IBM 386 to run Master of Orion. In college, my roommate told enough lies to get me a job as IT support on campus. I learned a lot there, and it paid for rent and art supplies until I graduated with my studio art degree. Then I applied for jobs and to no one's surprise, it was much easier to get IT jobs. I slowly migrated from basic tech support to web design, then surprisingly into MS CRM administration. I have zero professional education in tech, I call myself a "techno-savant," I just know how to talk to computers I guess. I taught myself HTML(5), CSS(3), JavaScript, jQuery, ASP, ColdFusion, SQL, C#, and PHP in that order as needed. In 2021, I earned my Professional Scrum Master certification, since I had such a great experience on an Agile team as a part-time developer for one company.

Years Of Experience
Dangs Given